I ate glue again

Recently, I decided to give the Greek yogurt another try.  I felt that maybe I judged to harshly...and probably shouldn't have gotten the plain flavor.  I have so many friends that like this stuff...do they just have unrefined palates?  Or, is this stuff really good and it's me with the problem?  This time I got the strawberry flavored kind, hoping that it would make a world of difference.  Guess what?  It didn't.  I even made Valerie try it ("Here Val, you try this and tell me if it tastes like glue...ahem, strawberry glue").  She agreed...it was gross.  So, now I am still perplexed.  Maybe it was the brand I was buying.  Perhaps there is a brand that you all are eating that is just delicious.  I am still willing to give it another try.  I heard somewhere that if you eat something that you don't really like 30 times, you will magically start liking it.  It worked for me and green olives.  Of course, I like them best bathed in vodka and stuffed with blue cheese.  But, I don't think I can stomach this Greek yogurt business 28 more times.

No one wants to see your goo baby

Ah, the miracle of childbirth. New mommies and daddies are so excited to show off their newly born offspring to family and friends that they simply refuse to wait until the baby is cleaned up before posting pictures on facebook. I can pretty much guarantee that your college roommate or the girl you sat next to in Biology in 10th grade does not want to see your goo baby. Is this really what you want the first impression of your child to be? Probably not. I'd save those pictures for grandma. Eh, she probably doesn't want to see your goo baby either.

Did you take a shower in that stuff?

I should not be able to smell you from 5 feet away. Also, I should not enter a bathroom, break room or stairwell and know that you were just there because the smell of your perfume is still lingering. If that is the case, you are wearing too much.

There are a two stinky perfume offenders in my office. One said offender also smokes...so then it just smells like really strong old lady perfume and smoke. Yummy! How many sprays are these women putting on their body? And, do they re-spritz throughout the day? Not necessary. Can you not smell yourself? Of course you can't. You have burned your scent glands with that crap. Ladies - if you are wearing perfume, 1-2 sprays is enough. No need to bathe in it.

Did I just eat glue?

I keep hearing about how Greek yogurt is soooo good for you and is full of protein...yada, yada. So when I saw a coupon in the Sunday paper for a free Yoplait Greek yogurt from Publix I figured it was my chance to try it (because I wouldn't want to risk wasting the $1.14 or whatever). In an effort to be extra healthy, I ended up getting the plain yogurt...I guess because it had fewer calories than the flavored ones. I brought it to work on Monday with some strawberries to eat as my 3 o' clock snack. When I took off the lid I was a bit aprehensive...this doesn't look like yogurt. I put a little bit on my spoon and took a bite...and I just about spit it out. YUCK! It was the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. In the trash it went. Am I doing it wrong? Was I supposed to put it in a smoothie or something? I can't see how anyone can stomach that nastiness.

At least I didn't pay for it.

Ew, is that what I look like?

With the threat of bathing suit season looming around the corner...I had the brilliant idea to try on a bathing suit last Sunday. Yeah, bad idea. I guess it's time to put away the Thin Mints.

Beeping, head shaking, and a** busting

After going to bed early last night with a massive headache, I was rudely awakened from a deep sleep about 1:15 a.m. Cookie had half of her body propped up on the bed so she could get a good angle of my face while she panted heavily into it. After about 15 seconds I figured out what was wrong. The smoke detector was randomly beeping - because 1am is apparently an OK time to decide to want new batteries - and the high pitch sound was freaking her out. I knew Ross wouldn't want to get up and change the battery at that time, considering he had to drive to St. Pete in the morning, so I told Cookie to go back to bed while I shut the bedroom door and turned on a fan to drown out the noise. Just as I slip back into dream world, Roxy decides that her ears are bothering her and it is as good a time as any to shake her head repeatedly. UGH. We have to take action. Ross gets up to change the battery in the smoke detector while I clean out Roxy's ears. That's when the smoke detectors decided to play a little game of "guess who's beeping now?" After changing the batteries in three of them, we conclude that it is safe to go back to sleep. *beep* You've got to be kidding me. The one in front of our bedroom is beeping again, even though it has a new battery and is HARD WIRED INTO OUR ELECTRICAL SYSTEM so there should be no reason to beep! The solution: Take the thing off and let it beep in the garage. Ahh...sleep.

In the morning, as I am walking through the garage with Roxy to take her out in the yard, I busted my a** on something slippery on the garage floor. She just kept walking.

Yes, I wore my cranky pants today.

A cure for greasy hair

If I don't wash my hair everyday it turns into a greasy mess. Especially if it's hot outside. But let's face it - sometimes I don't feel like washing my hair and styling it in the morning when I am already running late. Usually when I have 2nd day hair I am forced to don a pony tail...until recently. Working for a wedding magazine means that I am lucky enough to get free beauty products from time to time. I recently picked this out in our beauty product free for all...

...and I think I like it. It's for darker hair and smells pretty good. And I was able to wear my hair down today. I think this just may change my life.

Special touches

The previous owner of our house decorated like she was 80 years old. She couldn't have been older than 45. It was tough to overlook all the floral curtains and "special touches" (the word Amy used for this woman's decor choices) -- such as flowered knobs on all the closet doors and flowered contact paper in all the kitchen cabinets -- and imagine the house fit for 30-somethings. I wanted to rid the house of the garden motif. It took Amy and I an entire evening to rip out all that contact paper. And Jaime was nice enough to take down every single curtain on every window of the house. Little by little, we are making the house livable (at least to my standards). One of the most noticeable changes is the dining room. Here are the before and after photos.

The before photo was taken when we were looking at the house. The after was about a month after we moved in. I have since added some art on the wall...but that's about it. I wonder what Ms. Special Touches would say about the house now?

Bad words

These are words that you will never hear me utter. I also prefer you never say them to me in conversation.

moist - gross
ointment - yuck
panties - reminds me of pedophiles driving white vans.
tender - "This meat is so tender." No.
slacks - when referring to pants. Please just call them pants.
blouse - just call it a shirt. Only grandmas can get away with this word.

Never, ever trust a robot

Hello my name is Alison and I am afraid of robots.

"Automatonophobia can be loosely defined as the fear of wax figures, humanoid robots, audio animatronics or other figures designed to represent humans."

I didn't know there was a name for it until I started writing this blog. Obviously, I am not alone. Most of my friends are aware of this fear and some have even joined in - down with robots! And, I am not sure I am really afraid of them...I just don't trust them one bit. Those things can turn on you in a second. Have you seen IRobot? It gives me shivers just thinking about it. Aw, but robots can be sweet...right? Wrong! Even Johnny Five, everyone's favorite robot from Short Circuit went nutzo.

Here he is all sweet and charming wearing a red bandanna...how could you not love him?

And then his wires get crossed and he turns into a mean Cheez Doodle eating Johny Five.

And, hello?? Terminator? I think I've proved my point. My BFF (hi Amy) has one of those Roomba vacuums. I am not convinced that it won't turn itself on one day and try to eat her toes. If you haven't seen the SNL skit about Old Glory insurance - watch it.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-live-old-glory

Maybe then you'll agree with me that robots are dangerous and should never, EVER be trusted.

I am in the wrong business

I had been in the market for a new dog bed for the last couple weeks. I am sure you are wondering, "In the market? It's not like you are purchasing a new car, why don't you just walk in the store and buy one?". It's not that easy. First, I needed to find a dog bed that can accommodate both an 80 lb. American Bulldog and a 58 lb. Dingo - they snuggle. Most dog beds are made for mini dogs. Next, I needed one that wasn't going to be $80+. And, what's up with all the stupid patterns? I don't need one with a huge paw print on it...I think people will get that it's a dog bed, with it being on the floor and full of dog hair and what not. So I venture out to Petsmart during lunch yesterday afternoon - on a mission to find the World's Perfect Dog Bed. Distracted by all the cute dog toys and clothing (for those mini dogs), I made my way to the dog beds and...THERE IT WAS!!! A $90 bed on sale for $39.99!! It's my lucky day! I stake my claim on the one with navy blue on the side and proudly walk/drag it up to the register. "That will be $95.84" the register lady says. "Oh no," I say, "this is on sale for $39.99. You can check the sign under it". She does, consults the manager who has a minor kiniption because someone put the sign in the wrong place, and then the very nice register lady honors the fake sale price. Who would pay $90 for this thing anyway? It is literally just an egg crate shoved inside a zippered fleece covering. Maybe I should start my own line of dog beds that are made for real dogs, don't have stupid designs, and don't cost a fortune. Ooh, and maybe I will take custom orders and match the covers to room decor.

Don't steal my idea.

Nicki's Freaky Neck Skin

Theresa and I had dinner and wine last night at Nicki's because Brad went to Aruba on business. Aruba on business?? Suuuuuure. Anyway, we were sitting on the couch not watching The Office when Nicki pulled on her neck. "WHOA! That sure is a lot of neck skin!" T and I pulled on our own necks but could not accomplish what Nicki had. Then T called her a turtle.

I wouldn't be so cranky if you weren't so stupid

So, yeah. I started a blog. It's not always going to be about stuff that makes me cranky...but let's face it...I have a lot of material. There are so many funny things that happen in my life and I figured, why not share? Well, I at least think they are funny. You be the judge.

Enjoy.